Lately I had an opportunity to revisit the space of indifference and it felt like a great opportunity to find more clarity about it.
Indifferent is a quality that we often encounter in our lifes. People who show this trait appear to be strong and in control. It feels as if they are able to stay unattached, objective & nonchalant. They are not swayed by emotions of others which is in itself a beautiful quality. However I might beg to differ as often they leave you with a feeling of coldness, lonelyness & rejection.
If you dare to look a little more closely you will find that behind that masque of indifference is often a person who has been hurt manyfold, often in their childhood when they needed a compassionate parent who would give them a feeling of belonging and safety.
The maskerade does not only need to be of a person who puts up a front in order to not be drowned in emotions that are going on around them but also a person who keeps other people at bay by being jovial and unconcerned.
How often is it that you have used either the one or the other when you felt overwhelmed by a situation in your life? Never ever would you have thought that others would receive this energy that could be felt as really hurtful. People then become careful even guarded and often also would adopt the quality of indifference to protect themselves.
How important is it learning to show our overwhelment, vulnerability & fragility to others? Expose how we feel in a heartfelt manner without expectation to be rescued or understood.
How often have we used the quality of indifference and have been receiver of this quality. Neither position ever felt good to either of us. So I promised to myself to pay more attention to my daily life and interactions and catch the little moments when this occurs. Slowly I feel much more connected to people around me since I have started to understand that I was the one creating this disconnection in the first place.
" You do not need to leave your room, just sit at your table and listen. You do not even need to listen, just wait. You do not even have to wait, just get quiet - and the world will reveal itself to you, it has no choice. "